A Most Ingenious Paradox
by x-butterflykisses-x
Summary: Looper AU. Time travel was made possible by exploiting the loops, and history can be rewritten around you, your life and fate altered without your knowing. In a world of infinite outcomes, will the fate of a little boy alter the course of Joe's reality?
1. And Restart

_"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff."_ – The Doctor.

Blink, Doctor Who

* * *

Sara stumbled forward, her breath somehow escaping her lungs. There was a sudden tightening in her chest as bile tickled the back of her throat. Clutching the kitchen sink she wretched, spitting into the soapy dishwater she wiped the spittle roughly from her mouth. Something had shifted; it was as if her world had fallen away from her.

Taking a few shaky steps backwards she breathed in slowly, like a truck had railroaded her Sara was unsteady; falling backwards she landed hard on the tiled floor. Her emotions were everywhere and nowhere at once. But what was most apparent was her overwhelming sense of loss.

"Sid..." Her voice was quiet, hoarse, as if she was unused to using it. "Sid!" She called out again, her voice stronger, her frantic sense of urgency apparent.

"Sara?" He sounded only slightly annoyed, toy car in hand he looked at her with round, brown eyes and she let loose a sigh of relief.

"Are you ok honey?"

"Fine." The boy nodded, "I'm playing with my cars."

"Can I play too?"

"Yeah," Sid nodded, his free hand drifting up to his cheek.

"You hurt yourself?" Sara crawled forward, her soapy hand gently touching his cheek.

"No," Sid shook his head. "I just feel funny is all..."

Sara hid her confusion as she pulled her son to her chest, it didn't matter for now, and nothing did so long as she had Sid. Sara could feel his warm body against his chest and for a moment she was soothed and she hoped he was too.

"Do you wanna see what I made?" Sid suddenly asked, pulling himself free of his mother's suffocating grip.

"Sure," Sara nodded before pushing herself to her feet and taking Sid's small hand in her own.

Making their way into the living room and the sprawl of toys that lay across the coffee table Sid immediately went to a pair of toy frogs.

"Press it!" He demanded of Sara as he placed the small toy into her outstretched palm. His hands were warm and sweaty, his skin soft and smooth.

Doing as was commanded of her Sara smiled as the corresponding frog soon started ribiting in response.

"That is amazing! How did you do that?" Sara bent down and placed a wet kiss on the top of Sid's head, realising his smell as it washed over her.

"It was pretty easy, we can both have one. Just in case."

"Just in case of what?" Sara replied, frowning. Not for the first time she was uneasy in her son's presence. It wasn't for fear of him exploding, but she was convinced he had felt it too; something colliding with the force of planets, whole worlds collapsing in half a heartbeat, something lost in the corner of eye. Sara sighed, suddenly itching for a cigarette.

* * *

In a field Joe fired the blunderbuss.

Rolling over the still warm body his silver glinted in the sunlight.

Wrapping the corpse up into the old tarp he dragged the weight back to his truck. For a second he lost his balance.

Feeling the sudden urge to throw up he bent over double, he assumed it was just a come down from last night's activities. It was hardly the body. The killing barely bothered him now. It was part of his routine, his life.

Heading towards Beatrix and the diner he muttered some French under his breath. For whatever reason he wanted to walk down the Champs Elysees and drink coffee in a non-descript café. Charm countless women and somehow live a better life than the one he was living now. He didn't know how it might differ from what he was doing now, aside from the killing. Maybe he'd adopt clean living. Maybe...

He felt it again, the queasiness. A sudden feeling set in, it was like he had lost his keys despite having only just put them down. Something was missing, checking his pocket watch Joe knew he would find the ticking reassuring. Strangely the second hand refused to move. It was stuck, seconds continually rebuffed as it tried to move past the hour hand.

* * *

**A/N: **Ok so not entirely sure on how paradoxes would come into play here, I just figure that that entire timeline would have been removed with Young Joe killing himself, thus taking him back to the start. Or maybe I'm just bending logic to fit with my - everyone lives policy. Anyway, please let me know what you think!


	2. Finding The Familiar

_"Something in his face deeply moved me. It was the face of a man who would commit murder and throw away his life for a friend..."_

- Homage to Catalonia, George Orwell

* * *

Sara pulled the door of her truck shut, clutching at the worn steering wheel she tried to focus her thoughts. The queasiness from the other day had passed as soon as it had come on but an unsettled feeling had still managed to fall across her. Glancing over to Sid she gave him a tight smile, an adult would have seen through it, but the boy was too preoccupied with the thought of picking out another toy. She had promised him a long time ago they would take a day and go to the city. The same city she had avoided at all costs since her return home.

Sara didn't know why she had kept them so long on the farm, whether it was because she was afraid of what Sid might do when met with the kaleidoscope of colour and grief that lurked in the vast metropolis. Or maybe it was because she was afraid she was the one that would fall foul of temptation.

"Sara, I need to go toilet." Sid placed his interwoven hands into his lap and gave her a wide-eyed stare.

"I told you that you should have gone back at home..." Sara gently chided, wondering whether she should wait for them to come across a public restroom or just take him out into the fields.

"I did!" Sid defended stoutly, his voice raising a fraction as he fixed her with a look clearly suggesting that he felt falsely persecuted.

"Ok, ok!" Sara quickly conceded, her left hand leaving the steering wheel in surrender.

She knew that she shouldn't give in to him, but today the path of least resistance seemed the better option.

Biting her lip Sara sat higher in her seat in attempt to see the oncoming road. A beat up diner circa 1985 was planted squarely to the left of the road. Quickly pulling into the gravel drive Sara killed the engine and pulled the hand break.

"So we're going to get a quick bite to eat, you can use the restroom and we'll be on our way, ok? Don't talk a to anyone either."

Sid nodded his head in agreement, quickly dealing with his seatbelt he was soon out of the truck. Shaking her head ruefully Sara followed suit, making sure to lock the vehicle up, you never could be too careful.

By the time she had entered the restaurant Sid was already making a beeline for the toilets. Glancing towards the waitress Sara smiled apologetically.

"We'll sit down and order something in a second, he was just a little desperate."

The girl waved them on, "It's fine. You take your time."

Sara have her a grateful look before diving into the toilets after Sid, thankfully he had chosen the ladies.

The stall door slammed in her face and Sara bit back a curse, for the moment it seemed that Sid was determined to do things for himself, either that, or he was determined not to do things with her.

_Sara _

Her very name seemed to taunt her, his utter refusal to call her mom cut so deeply every breath seemed to strain her heart. She knew that she wasn't being fair, she had left Sid with her sister and he wasn't to know any better. Abandoned by some slip creature of a thing, with black hair and bloodshot eyes. Sara sucked in her breath, fighting the urge to cry.

In one fluid motion she pulled out a packet of cigarettes from the top her boot, putting the roll of paper between her lips she breathed in deeply. Just the familiar feel at her mouth was enough to calm her down, removing the little stick she put it back in the packet and returned it to her boot.

It was then Sid emerged from the stall, quickly washing his hands he pushed past her and returned to the restaurant. Rolling her eyes Sara took a moment to dab at the invisible tears before she followed her son back into the half empty diner.

To her horror Sid had not waited for her, instead he had chosen to sit down - the booth of his choosing in possession of one occupant. A young man of middling height sat opposite her boy. His hooded eyes barely lifted from the table; instead he stirred his coffee slowly, his long fingers playing with the stubby spoon. The youth's coat was of expensive leather, his shoes shiny and jeans well cut. He smelt of the city and Sara immediately barrelled over to the table.

"I'm sorry, he didn't mean to disturb you..." Sara put a protective arm on Sid's shoulder and attempted to move him from the seat. "Honey, I need to you get up, we don't want to interrupt this man's morning coffee."

Sara's eyes flicked towards the man, he was of slim build, handsome enough and clearly dangerous. His eyes for one, whilst blue, had some metallic quality to them, strangely devoid of warmth. That, and he was clearly too well dressed for some run down establishment in the middle of the nowhere. Alarm bells were ringing in Sara's head, memories of her girlfriend's giggling as young, moneyed men of no exceptional talent, attempted to pick them up.

"No." Sid crossed his arms; Sara chocked back a scream. The diner whilst hardly being full, still had enough people in it.

"We don't want to be rude do we?" Sara's voice wobbled. She knew to the outsider she must look ridiculous, and having to work so hard to keep Sid relaxed was a clear sign she was in over her head. But she couldn't tell anyone about him, not when there were so many people out there with less than honourable intentions.

"We're not being rude. We're sharing, remember you taught me it was good to share?" Sid looked at Sara; he had her over a barrel.

"I know I did monkey, but maybe this gentleman doesn't want to share with us. Did you think about that?" Sara smiled, her voice singsong as she danced around what she really wanted to say.

"I don't mind sharing."

His voice was surprisingly warm, Sara looked over, startled by the sudden eruption of noise from across the table.

"Well..." Sara stuttered, she could have sworn the man had winked at Sid, as if this was some elaborate joke between the two of them.

"See, we're sharing the table." Sid smiled, vindicated.

"Well," Sara cleared her throat as she slid into the booth next to her son, her eyes sliding across the man's frame.

"The name's Joe," the man offered, his hand outstretched.

"Sara." Her cool hand met his warm digits and a sharp pain shot up her fingers and she immediately retracted her limb. "Ow!" Shaking her hand in attempt to displace the pain she frowned.

"Static." Joe muttered by way of explanation.

Sara nodded distracted, something was nudging the corner of her brain, something was telling her to look at him.

* * *

Joe eyed the menu, not really paying attention. He knew what he wanted; he'd order the exact same thing he always did.

"Bonjour!" Beatrix gave him a toothy grin as she poured the black filter coffee into his mug.

Not for the first time Joe thought about sleeping with her, but then he remembered he was supposed to be in love with Suzie. Joe frowned, that was the thing about Suzie, she was beautiful and fun, and he was fairly certain that he had feelings for her. And love seemed like the most likely candidate, they were both attracted to each other, they'd slept together, and sometimes she did that thing when she stroked his hair.

"Comment allez-vous?" Joe questioned, the words rolling off his tongue with relative ease.

"Um..." Beatrix shrugged apologetically. "That's a new one for me too you know."

"I was just asking how you were," Joe laughed softly as he poured copious amounts of sugar into his cup.

"Oh you know same old, a little burnt, like the coffee..." Beatrix shrugged, her eyes heavy.

Joe frowned; despite himself he had grown attached to Beatrix and the diner. There was something of the past about her and the establishment she haunted. And Joe was strangely attached to the past.

"What did he do to you?" Joe's voice was level, his eyes loyal to the last as only a scant trace of emotion flickered across them.

"Nothing I ain't dealt with before." Beatrix forced a smile, pressing out an imaginary crease in her dress she sighed. "You don't come here to listen to me and my problems."

"No, you're right," Joe conceded. "I come for the great coffee."

Beatrix snorted, sending one last smile Joe's way she quickly left to serve her other tables, taking the coffee pot with her.

The jangling of the doorbell had Joe glancing across to the glass door, the sight a small boy entered the restaurant greeted his eyes. With the opening of the door the late summer heat was dragged in with him, Joe settled into his seat, relishing the feel of heat across his skin.

Two perfect lines appeared across Joe's forehead and for a second he struggled for breath. He didn't know what it was, but feelings of nausea and general unease washed over him. The boy's appearance had thrown him strangely off kilter, and yet a part of brain insisted he knew why.

Pulling out his pocket watch Joe flipped the cover, he knew that the thing had stopped working but maybe the face of the dial would give him enough time to steady himself. To pull away from the suffocating cloud that seemed to surround him, a fog that, should it lift, would reveal whatever mystery was hidden to him. But to his utter surprise Joe was not met with silence, instead the ticking had returned as seconds spilled over into minutes.

Joe snapped the silver cover shut, before stuffing the offending object back into his pocket and waiting for the second bout of sickness to wash over him. There was clearly something wrong with the battery, it was old, unreliable technology, it shouldn't surprise him if the thing decided to stop working. Running a calloused hand through his slicked back hair Joe attempted to arrange his thoughts like the strands of hair. The boy was vaguely familiar but then orphan kids were a dime a dozen in the city and young children all looked the same to him. The boy's marked familiarity proved nothing, nor did Joe's overwhelming urge to empty the contents of his stomach onto the tiled floor.

Grasping the chipped coffee mug in his left hand Joe roughly grabbed the teaspoon before stirring the dark liquid, undoubtedly all remnants of his added sugar would have dissolved but the distraction helped. It was only then that he realised he was no longer alone.

The boy had sat across from him; clearly his mother had failed to teach him the basics when it came to strangers.

Joe's eyes flicked upwards, the boy was staring intently at him, as if waiting for the older man to say something. Joe turned his gaze downwards once more; strangely the coffee was not proving to enough of a distraction.

At the sound of the woman's voice Joe nearly looked up, instead his fingers tightened their grip on the smooth piece of metal currently gliding through his coffee.

He didn't know what possessed him to speak.

_ I don't mind sharing. _

It wasn't even funny.

Joe wanted to kick himself; he wasn't supposed to make friends. He was supposed to be familiar enough so people would fail to bat an eyelid if they saw him. But not familiar enough so they'd actually notice his comings and goings.

The killer didn't know what it was, whether it was the melancholy that lurked behind her gaze or the brilliant blue of her large orbs, but he was thrown. Like someone had landed a fist against his stomach, the air from his lungs rushing out in one great exodus.

Dong his best to hide his gaze Joe studied Sara's features, and for a minute he thought he knew her.

* * *

**A/N: **Not sure how I feel about this chapter but please let me know what you think!


	3. Coincidence

"_I lost some time once. It's always in the last place you look for it."__ –_ Sandman, Neil Gaiman

* * *

Sara spent a moment staring at her hand, her eyes widening as she frowned at the lines permanently etched into her palm.

"Sara, are you gonna order?"

Joe glanced towards the boy, a brief frown flitting across his features. Despite having hardly known his own mother he had still called her 'mom'.

The boy in front of him was not affording the woman this courtesy, Joe wondered if Sara liked her child.

"Yeah, right..." Sara jumped where she sat as she quickly snatched her hand back under the table. "How about pancakes?"

Sara glanced back at the menu, "You like pancakes right?" her voice skipping across the words as she attempted to rearrange her features into a smile.

"Whatever." Sid brushed his mother off impatiently, his eyes sliding past her to land firmly on Joe.

"What are you having?" The boy demanded, his eyes staring intently, there was something unnerving about Sid's apparent familiarity with Joe that the looper folded his arm protectively across his chest.

"Same as what I always have..." Joe muttered, grateful that Beatrix had arrived carrying a plate.

Sid's eyes widened, "You're eating that for breakfast?"

"I don't exactly have to worry about mid life heart attacks." Joe shrugged as he cut into his steak, his blue eyes focused on the thin strip of meat as he cut into the slightly pink flesh.

Sara's eyes narrowed, she knew his type. "What work are you in? If you don't mind me asking."

Joe snorted, "Look lady, I didn't ask you out or anything, you sat at my table. I don't think we need to read my résumé out."

Sara opened her mouth to say something but promptly shut it, glancing towards Beatrix who was currently pouring cups of burnt coffee; she hoped the girl would come over.

Smiling the waitress put down the coffee jug before pulling out her pad, "What can I do for you?"

"Pancakes and bacon for the both of us," Sara pulled her mouth into something she hoped looked like a smile.

Beatrix nodded, her curious gaze drifting towards Joe; he didn't look like a father. The waitress gave a mental shrug, he came in for the coffee and to try out his French, they didn't do problems. The waitress smiled once more and quickly sped to the hatch giving access to the kitchen. Fixing the order onto the metal strip she winked at the chef, there were times when she was glad she worked here. Away from the city and the people in it, but every so often she caught flashes of it and usually it had something to do with Joe.

"I didn't mean..." Sara offered weakly as she desperately fought the urge to grab Sid and run as far from the diner as she could.

"It's fine," Joe offered tersely, only just mustering a smile for the sake of the kid. There was something about him, something about his presence that threw Joe, like an irregular beat. Glancing towards Sid the man bit back a curse, blinding pain shot across his forehead. For a second he thought it was the particularly violent come down rearing its ugly head, but then through the haze he saw Sara grip the Formica tabletop, her nails virtually scoring five deep grooves across the surface.

Sid blinked.

Joe gasped as an image forced its way into his head, it was like someone had cracked open his skull and shoved in a half lived memory. The diner blurred and instead a farmhouse flitted into his vision, the boy, Sid, the only thing in focus, everything else drifting and melting around him. Curling his hand into a fist Joe felt his nails dig into the calloused skin, biting back a hiss of discomfort he tried to concentrate on the tangible reality he had been sent hurtling out of.

A brief second of something pleasurable flashed through his brain, Sara pressed up against an old dresser and then he was back in the diner. Sara was sitting opposite him, her cheeks devoid of colour. Grappling for a nearby glass of water the woman took a gulp, meeting Joe's eye over the thick rim she forced herself to keep her breathing steady.

But she couldn't, her eyes flicked away, and for an instant Joe could have sworn she'd seen it to, the feel of her skin beneath his hands was suddenly overwhelming and the man felt a startling urge to sit on them. Quickly dragging the offending appendages under the table top Joe gripped the fake leather seat, trying his best to ignore the feel of Sara's arched back under his finger tips.

The woman shifted in her seat, she could feel his breath against her neck despite the fact he was clearly sitting across from her. His rough hands scrunching up her nightgown as he pushed himself against her. Sara took another sip of water; it was like a memory and the present tumbling into one visceral experience and for the life of her she had no idea what was going on.

Her head was spinning, her senses conflicted and it seemed that she was unable to trust her own memories; they were swimming around her, more fluid that she had ever thought possible.

It was only Sid that seemed relatively calm about the situation, the boy just sat next to his mother, quickly taking a bite of syrup-drenched pancake as Beatrix placed a plate in front of him. The waitress bit back a laugh, both Joe and the woman were looking at anything but each other, Joe might not have been the fatherly type but he certainly was the blonde's.

Grateful at the sudden appearance of food Sara took a mouthful, chewing mechanically she swallowed, the taste only just registering on her tongue, as once more she was consumed by the smell and feel of the man opposite her. The man Sara was sure she had never met before but she could tell you the way his hair felt as she ran her fingers through it, or the smooth skin of his torso as she wrapped him up between her thighs. The exact pressure he applied when kissing her on the mouth had left an indelible mark across her lips.

Joe for his part couldn't finish his plate fast enough, but as his fingers wrapped around the old cutlery he was struck by the sensation of not being wholly in one place. It wasn't like the drugs, this felt too sharp, too clear and all too real. Unlike an acid trip whatever was happening to him felt permanent, as if something within him was shifting, his memories fighting to realign with some unknown spirit level. Joe was discovering faces and moments he was fairly certain he had no recollection of seeing or living through. And there was Sara, a virtual stranger that was somehow, inexplicably tied to him. But Sid was something different, a lodestone that had somehow pulled two individuals together. Joe shuddered as he felt it again, the tug at his navel when he looked towards the boy. There was something about him.

"I don't want to go to the city no more." Sid said abruptly, glancing towards Sara, waiting for her reaction.

"Oh are you sure?" Sara couldn't help but feel the relief wash over her; she could take Sid back to the farm, where he belonged. Away from the lights and the noise there was a greatly diminished chance of Sid's anger seeping through, besides there wasn't a safe big enough for the rest of the world.

"I want to show Joe something," Sid paused, "on the farm."

Sara felt the fork fall from her hand and clatter onto the table. She was shocked Sid would go so far as to issue an open invitation to an unknown man. "I'm sure Joe has better things to do monkey."

The blonde hastily snatched up her fork, doing her best to cover up her obvious discomfort. She wasn't scared of Joe; she had her old shooting rifle standing up by the front door. She'd fended off vagrants for long enough; it was Sid that concerned her. As much as she tried to teach him every good thing she knew, there was the ugly reality that he might be able to rip her apart one day without so much as a straining a finger.

"He doesn't."

Sid's words were so self-assured Joe caught himself entertaining the idea that maybe the little boy knew. The looper did his best to shake off the thoughts, his thumb worrying the burnished silver of the pocket watch he still toted. The kid was just an unusual breed of serious – that was all. The headaches and nausea was thanks to a bad batch of drugs, and those 'memories' were just his mind skipping ahead, a strangely focused daydream. This wasn't happenstance, this wasn't fate conspiring against him, it was coincidence and a really strange kid.

"Look... Sid," Joe paused, trying to search out the boy's gaze, as he stumbled on the child's name. He wasn't sure why he had suddenly adopted a softer tone of voice, but it seemed appropriate. "You shouldn't go invite people round to your house, especially when you mom doesn't know who they are."

"She does know who you are though," Sid replied, his forehead creasing, as Joe's words were plainly the wrong ones.

"I dunno..." the man started, his left hand scratching the back of his neck.

"Sara and you know each other," Sid frowned. "You should come."

"Yeah, well we know each other's names but that's not the same." Joe sighed, looking to Sara for some sort of support but the woman had remained silent, her eyes suggesting she wasn't hearing the conversation, or doing her best to ignore it.

Joe bit back a curse, maybe this was some elaborate set up, it wouldn't be the first time he'd seen a kid working a con with an unscrupulous parent. But just as soon as he'd thought it, he took it back – she really didn't seem the type. The blonde's head suddenly snapped in his direction and for a moment their eyes locked, Sara's gaze was full of fear, presumably the thought of Joe setting foot anywhere near her home was enough to set her on edge.

"I really don't think your mom wants me to come," Joe tried again, wondering for the umpteenth time why he didn't just up and leave. He'd told Sara as much, they had sat at his table - he didn't owe them anything.

Rising to his feet the looper yanked the collar of his jacket straight, he didn't know why he had waited this long, he just had to leave.

"Bet you I could get your watch to work," Sid muttered, his brown eyes downcast as he sensed he was losing his audience.

"My watch?" Joe's voice wobbled and Sara hissed.

"Yeah, it's broken isn't it?" Sid scratched the top of his head; he had always liked making things work.

Joe felt himself turning back to face Sid again, maybe it was coincidence? Just a whole lot of coincidences... But then didn't people in the movies all make a point of not believing in coincidences? Joe's hand instinctively went to his pocket to retrieve the old fashioned relic.

"Stop talking about Joe's watch honey, see it's fine..." Sara used her head to gesture towards the pocket watch was gripped firmly in the looper's left hand.

"Funny he should say it's broken," Joe swallowed.

"See," Sid promptly stood up before grasping Joe by the hand and dragging the man towards the door.

Sara's eyes widened, quickly throwing some crumpled notes onto the table she grabbed her bag and scrambled out of the booth before haring after her son.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry this update has taken me so long! Anyway, hope this is ok and please let me know what you think!


End file.
